Once Upon A Time (One Year Ago)
One year ago I looked like this…
I had lost over 70lbs on a diet I loved (The Sadkhin Diet) and was really feeling great. Life was good — I had fantastic amounts of energy, I was cleaning up some financial stuff and I had plans!!
A couple of months before, my apartment had been sold by my landlords (whom I love) and, after a crazy and disheartening search across Hoboken with an amazing realtor, I found the perfect apartment 4 buildings down on the same street, on the 1st floor with a backyard. A backyard in Hoboken!!
This is incredibly lucky and will also become incredibly important in just days to come.
It had been a long year, tons of stress at work and I was finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Things were going well and a dream account was on the horizon. But while I had a lot of energy, I still felt drained each weekend and couldn’t get enough sleep.
On May 14th I was excited about my new apartment, my new body and new opportunities. Everything I was planning for 2015 was on track.
The weeks before my move was crazy between packing and work. I had friends who were coming for the big move — I couldn’t wait to show off my new weight loss — but the night before I noticed some changes in my body. I had lost about 30lbs in the last 2 months and that night when I was getting changed for bed amongst all of the boxes I looked down and saw red flags. Having a large family history of breast cancer, I knew the signs, been through mammographies and ultrasounds since I was 25, and had a needle biopsy less than a year before.
Less than a year before — no cancer.
The next day, in the middle of my move, I called my doctor and told her what I felt and saw. She wanted to see me right away, but we made an appointment on Monday. Friday night I went to dinner with one of my best friends and made plans for my 50th birthday in August — I had wanted to go to Costa Rica to learn how to surf, but because of my schedule we were thinking of going to the Florida Keys instead. We talked about my appointment, but because I had been through this less than a year ago, I was convinced it was nothing to worry about it.
On Monday, my apartment all unpacked and in place, my friend headed home and I headed to the doctor. Within 5 minutes she had scheduled an appointment for Wednesday with my radiologist, who had done my films for the last 4 years. That same radiologist who on Wednesday morning, walked into the room after seeing my films and told me that I had to start wrapping my mind around the fact I had cancer.
Less than a year later — cancer.
That was the beginning.
Now I look like this…
This Friday, May 20th, is a year since I was diagnosed. I haven’t talked about this in public and a very small amount of people knew what was happening. I even stopped posting on social media on a regular basis — it’s hard to be open when you have secrets.
Why so secretive? I was worried on a number of fronts — I didn’t want people seeing me as sick first, Jane second. I was nervous about clients feeling that they were going to get a lesser level of service. I knew I was going to need all of my strength and focus to get through this — even with all the support of friends and family.
While I didn’t learn how to surf, I have learned a lot in my 50th year. So I’m going to share it here. While I’m going to talk a lot about cancer, my treatments and my experience, I’m also planning to talk about other stuff. Reinvention. Openness. Motivation.
My surgeon recently told me I just need to worry about being “the best Jane I can be” every day. This is where I’m starting.
